.in need of stitching. On Saturday our little Asher fell down the stairs. About 10 of them, all wooden. I saw it coming and screamed in terror as I watched his head hit ever single step on the way down. When I picked him up about a second after he landed there was blood spilling from his head and he was hysterical. I was too. Everybody rushed up the stairs and as I wiped the blood away I knew we had to go into see a doctor right away. He had cut open his forehead (well, a space between his eyes really) so deep that I could see through two layers of skin straight to his skull. No mother should ever see inside their child like that - it is haunting. I still get chills.
At the doctors Asher did great. He seemed like his normal self while we waited. He played with cars and read books, all while having a big whole in between his eyes. In the office he was amazing. The doctors cleaned him up and stitched him shut without him even flinching. I was proud of him for being so brave.
And then there was me. Stomach aching the rest of the day as I kept replaying the fall over and over and over. And seeing the cut over and over and over. I was not so brave and I am still telling them to hold the railing each time anyone goes up and down our steps. I wish I could of had the doctor give me something to forget what I saw.
Yesterday was another rough day around here. Nobody fell down the stairs. Nobody was horribly injured. Nobody spilled blood. Yet my heart was breaking. It was breaking for a once orphan that I wanted to be mine.
He is not. Another family will be calling him their son. And I should be happy.....and I am. But I am also a bit saddened. Saddened that he will not be here.
The truth is I have been praying for this specific child since before Tariku came home. His story is deeply a part of Tariku's and I will always be grateful for how God used him to help my son. I have wanted him in our home for a while, and asked Aaron about him several times over the past few months. However it never seemed right. Something was always stopping us from getting him. And rightly so - we have had a busy year. I think I always knew it would never be, but I wrestled with God about it - and will continue to for a while.
The good news is that God knows my pain and disappointment And He will be able to stitch up my heart. It might not take 5 days for it to heal, like Ashers sweet face. But God will heal my brokenness - all of it, completely. As he heals all of us. And all our pain.
Instead of choosing to be broken today I am choosing to live in His peace. I am grateful that He was there to help guide Asher down our stairs. His fall could have been much, much, worse then 3 stitches.
And I am choosing to be at peace over this sweet boy that so many love. He has a family!!! Today I am rejoicing over that. Yes it is hard to accept that it is not ours but I am excited that he won't be waiting much longer to join his parents, wherever they are. Thank you Jesus! .in need of stitching.