Thursday, May 10, 2012

.clinging to HIM.

It seems like everyone around me wants an update on Tariku.....and I realize it has been a month since I wrote we were surviving, the truth is we are still surviving.  And each day we have to choose to cling to Jesus to make it through.  

I want to be honest with everyone and this is why I am going to post the TRUTH.  It is not to bash my son or to scare anyone who journeys the same path as us - but to be REAL.  

The first two weeks with Tariku home were some of the hardest weeks of my life.  And they were most defiantly some of the hardest weeks of Tariku's as well. His grief for the friends & the country he left behind was hard to watch.  It came out in ways we heard of but were not really prepared to live out - nothing could have prepared us to live out the rage inside of him.  His grief came out in RAGE and he got mad about everything under the sun.  When his anger turned full blown tantrum it would last for at least an hour, most the time two.  And it was not just crying it was full blown screaming, hitting, biting, throwing things, pounding his fists, kicking, scratching, peeing his pants, spitting at us, TANTRUMS.  

By the grace of God things have progressively gotten better around here tantrum wise.  At first we had at least two a day, if not three.  Slowly he started to only have one a day.  And now we are down to a couple times a week.  Which is a miracle in my book.

Some false illusions we had, created many frustrations around here on our end.  Being 4 we had expectations that were set too high for his circumstance.  We thought he would come home and sleep through the night - he didn't.  We thought he would come home and be potty trained - he was but, he reverted. He saw his siblings get one-on-one time for diaper changes, so we can't blame him. (Lydia reverted also due to her world being ROCKED).  Those things happen in adoption and we are living them out.  They are frustrating beyond belief but as Tariku gets more comfortable around us he will learn to both use the toilet and sleep through the night.  

Each day we are clinging to Jesus to make it through.  Having three in diapers has not brought out the best in me....in fact it has brought out the beast many times.  Lack of sleep is not my thing either and we are happy that it is getting MUCH better - last night he slept through the night for the first time! Praise the Lord!!!

As we watch Tariku grow we can honestly say we are happy to be his family.  He is my son and I thank the Lord for him.  In the hard moments all I can do is cling to the cross....because it is the only thing pulling us through.  The adoption books are great in theory and in the ideal situation.  But our situation is not ideal.  We can't focus on one child as most adoption books layout.  The only thing we have that is not theory but reality is His TRUTH, so were clinging to that in tough times.  

Other things that have helped are the wonderful friends who have made us dinner many nights.  Meals made are sooo helpful!  I don't know how we would have survived without them the first couple weeks.  Honestly.

Also helping Aaron and I are our nights together.  When the kids are sleeping and we can veg out on chips & salsa watching The Office.  We know it is not the most spiritually filling show to watch, but it is humorous and after our hard days laughing is the best medicine.  

Some people say, "God doesn't give you more then you can handle".   That is a blasted lie. 
The truth is he does - so that we can better lean on him.  

I being stubborn to my core, have had the privilege of being blessed with three children who have my same will power (awesome).  I sometimes forget why and if you know me I frequently voice it.  "Seriously people, why can't I have an easy child?"

God reminds me of the answer all the time, "Dez, if you had easy you wouldn't have to lean on me".  So I am leaning, clinging, and praying through each day.   

2 comments:

trinity noel said...

Beautiful.

Brittany TYD said...

Thank you for your honesty. It's really enlightening to hear these truths, and be reminded that we can lean on God through anything. Praying for you guys.