Friday, March 9, 2012

.deep thoughts.

For the past week and a half I have been on the verge of tears.  Every single day.  Almost every waking hour.  I hold them in.  But it is hard.  

I miss our son, more then I thought I would.  I was warned, but warnings never really hit until they are lived.  

I get so filled up when I think of how it will feel to have him in our arms again.  I get tears when I think of us seeing his sweet face again and kissing his sweet lips....I literally just thought about that for 5 is a day dream I can't wait to come true. 

But then I get chocked up as I think ahead to how we will leave his orphanage the last time.  With him.  The place he has been for over a year.  My heart is shattering into millions of pieces as I think of him leaving his friends he calls brothers at the orphanage.  

We saw how much those boys hurt when their friend left in January.  My heart hurts knowing our son will leave soon and tear open those wounds again.  Knowing we are going to be a part of that.....I honestly don't know how I will be able to walk out.  Aaron & Abel might just have to carry me.  

But then I press fast forward in my head and picture our "airport moment".  I wonder who will be there.  Although I know - those who have supported us from the beginning.  I again wonder how I will hold it together when our children are all together in one place.  When our family is in one spot.  I wonder how it will feel to come "home"...... 

I am overwhelmed in all directions.  I feel shattered and broken for those our son will have to say goodbye to.    For those he loves dearly.  I also feel joy and fullness for those our son will get to meet.  And tears come flowing from both sides.  

Thankfully we have the Lord.  He knows how I will make it through.  How our son will make it through.  How his friends that are more like brothers will make it through.  How our family will survive transitioning through.  Thankfully we all have the Lord who will always pull us through anything.   

Friends, Could you pray for our hearts as we are about to be changed....especially our sons.


I know I just bombed you with a very emotional post (at least for me).....but we have some amazing things happening here next week.  Please come back Sunday to learn about our LAST FUNDRAISER & for some pretty awesome GIVEAWAYS :) 

1 comment:

Eric said...

The only reason I was able to walk out of ahope without tears was because I knew they'd see each other again soon! That was one of the hardest things I've ever done. My heart aches for you and our children who will forever be brothers.

Philemon 1:25