Tuesday, August 16, 2011

.opening the box.

God in a Box

.opening the box.  When we started the adoption process we knew we would grow spiritually.  We knew God would be working our hearts over.  We just didn't know how much.  

In adoption there are waiting lists.  Children who do not typically fit parents wants get put there.  They might have Down Syndrome, they might have a heart defect, they might have a Birthmark, their parents might have had something that could (ever so slightly) affect the way they grow, their birth mother could have drank (a little or a lot).  There are a number of reasons.  Some big and some so small they are hardly noticeable.  Those children wait.  They wait for families to choose them.

I pray for these children daily.  I pray they all find homes.  I pray for the homes that welcome them in.  And I pray for those children that age out of the adoption process.  The ones who have to "make it" on their own.  

About a month and a half ago I saw a picture.  I saw a face that has changed me.  When I first saw the picture I started to pray for the little one in it.  I prayed that this little one would find a home.  I prayed that a family would come soon.  As the days went by I intensified my prayers.  One night I started to cry because I was asking God to find another family for the little one.  I realized then that I wanted this little one in our home.  I could feel God asking me, "Why not yours?  Could you, perhaps, open the box you have put me in?  You can trust me on this."

My husband and I prayed over the little one.  We prayed, "Lord, if this child is not meant to be ours then close the doors."  We prayed for God to give us a clear direction on what to do.  And then we said yes to God.  We told him that we would parent this little one if He wanted us to.  

The child is not in the age range that we originally selected, this was a box we were trying to squeeze God into.  We were saying that is all we can do.  However, God came to Earth and died for us - for me.  Surely, I can make the box bigger.  We opened the box we had been shoving God in from the beginning of this process.  We are fully trusting in the Lord.  

Two weeks ago we asked our agency to consider us as parents, so did another family.  We have been waiting to hear the agencies decision.  We know that whatever decision is made that it is the right one.  Even if that means the little one is not ours.  We are finally at peace about it all.  This doesn't mean it will be easy if we are not chosen, it just means we understand that God is in control of it all.  He knows who will parent this little one and He knows who we will welcome into our family - there is such peace in that!  

I am writing this because this little one is part of our adoption story.  This little one has changed how we feel about the process.  We were forced to ask ourselves why we are adopting.  We were forced to talk about things that are hard.  We were asked by God to open our hearts a little more then we thought we could.  This little one is special to us.  And will always be.  

We are also asking for prayers.  Please pray for our patience as we wait.  I will not lie - last week was rough.  I had a hard time waiting.  I was not patient.  AT. ALL.  Every time the phone rang my heart & stomach did some sort of roller coaster maneuver that I didn't even know could happen.  Please pray that we are patient and continue being at peace with everything that is happening.  We would also like to ask for prayers for the other family that is seeking to adopt this little one.  If they feel the same way we do, this decision will be really hard on one family and it is difficult to pray for.  Prayers also for the little one and all waiting children as they wait to come home. .opening the box.

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." Psalm 143:8

Is there a box you keep putting God in?
Is he asking you to make it bigger at all?
Can you fully trust Him with it?


Mandie M. said...

Amen, sister! I love you. God has done amazing work in your heart. Can you believe he isn't even finished yet :)?! I can't wait to see how he uses you.

Trinity said...

Seriously. Thank you for sharing this whole journey and all of its twists and turns.

Tanya S. said...

I pray that God gives you patience and continues to give you a positive attitude about the waiting game. Adoption isn't for the weak. Stay strong and know that you have a lot of family and friends to lean on....some who have even had similar experiences. Don't be afraid to reach out when you are down!