Thursday, December 30, 2010

.tough questions.

Yesterday I received this comment:

My understanding of the adoption situation and orphan crisis is NOT that there is a high demand for adoptive parents seeking infants - there are long waiting lists for families waiting for a match to infants. But where the need is, so desperately, is for older child adoption. That's where the need is.

Again, this is based on my own research and if I am wrong please educate me, but it's my understanding that infants are in high demand. We were shocked and appalled to read about situations in South America where babies are stolen from their families because infant adoption is a money-maker and infants are in demand.

So -- I have to ask -- would you consider adopting an older child? I read that you want to help a needy child in Africa. My thoughts are that the infants are not so needy - they will find homes. It's the older kids who are desperately in need of some interested adoptive parents.
And to be honest I was not sure how to respond at first.  There are a couple things I want to address in this, and I hope this helps.

  First we do not know how old we want to adopt up to, yet.  We are still praying about this and it will take a lot of consideration.  Luckily, we have until our home study is complete to put a check mark on the box.  Meaning we have until then to decide the age.  We know for certain we are not called to adopt a child that is older then 5 or 6 at this time.  We want them to be under school age.  In the future God may change our hearts and minds on this - but that is where we stand as of right now.

Second, there is a need for adoption at every age.  Yes the need to adopt older children is greater.  There are many children over the age of two who are simply overlooked because of their age.  But that is not to say there is no need for infant adoption.  If we decide to adopt a younger baby, that is our decision.  Again we are still considering up to what age we will be willing to adopt.  And we will decide what is best for our family.

  Next I want to address the adoption scandals issue.  We are researching many different adoption agencies to avoid any scandal.  Many agencies do in depth research about the children being placed up for adoption.  We are going to for sure, without a doubt, pick an agency that does this.  We want to make sure that the child who is placed in our home is a true orphan that really needs our love and care.  It is really sad that things like this happen.  We do live in a fallen world.  That is why it is really important to find a good agency that does its research. 
  One of the agencies we have looked at does this in depth.  They give the biological mother and family numerous opportunities to raise their child.  Then they try to match the child with a family in the home country.  If no family is found then they look outside the host country to place the child.  Even after the child is referred to a family the agency has the biological family look at the adoptive parents case before signing off.  Even after they are referred to the parents the biological family can change their mind.  They really do give the biological family every opportunity to raise their own child or have a family member raise them.
  If anyone is looking into adoption I strongly encourage you to research your agency first.  And thoroughly.  I would not feel right about adoption if I knew the agency we decided to work with did not research the child's family and background first.  We are still looking at various agencies, but like I stated earlier we are going with an agency that does its research. 
  If you are interested in adoption a good place to start researching is at the Department of State.  I would also recommend choosing an agency that has a Hague accreditation and safeguards intercountry adoption.  By working with an accredited agency you are making sure that the child's best interest comes first.


janimal said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

God is trying to do something great through this family, just be careful how strongly you share your opinions because they did come across as a little judgmental. Whichever child comes into Dez's home will be raised to love Jesus and there is no greater cause. This child will be loved, accepted and encouraged and THAT is what is important. They will be making a difference in the life of a child. They are thinking beyond themselves and beyond the typical selfish mindset of whatever is easiest and whatever feels the best. The road that they are traveling is going to be hard but I know without a doubt that God doesn't bring us to places He doesn't want us to go. Instead of discouraging them, pray for them, that they would do what is best for their family and best for a child that will eventually be placed with them. Its easy to jump to conclusions from a few things we read and I do understand some of the scandals you speak of but I also know what a need there is for a child to be loved. How can we criticize a family that wants to make a difference.

janimal said...

My posts were not a criticism. I tried to say that several times but that's been deleted. I'm sorry it was taken that way. Honestly, I would hope that anyone who sought to adopt would be willing to arm themselves with as much information as possible. I respect and support this family's decision to adopt. I also brought up some issues with adoption that I think are important to consider. Adoption is a difficult road - it can be overwhelmingly rewarding and also completely heartbreaking.

I am disappointed my comments were deleted. I had hoped to have a dialogue about the adoption process and motivations and the real issues, but apparently that's not to be.

Regardless, I will continue to check in and just bought some raffle tickets. I AM SUPPPORTIVE of adoption. I am not judging this family.